A Place in Your Heart
by K.D. Toling
Summary: *OotP spoilers/Song fic* Harry lies awake one night,dwelling on his life now that someone close to him is gone. Based on Liz Phair's song "Red Light Fever".


Author's Note: I just got the new Liz Phair C.D, and I thought this song from it would make an interesting song fic. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the song "Red Light Fever", as I am not J.K. Rowling or Liz Phair. But with a little Polyjuice Potion...

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~Lying wide awake in the dark,

trying to figure out where you are.

Always going nowhere,

afraid of going somewhere,

and somewhere's a place in your heart.~

Harry lay in his bed in Gryffindor Tower, listening to the rain that lashed the windows as the other boys snored. He was back at Hogwarts for his sixth year, and yet...he felt he should be somewhere else. Like wherever Sirius was now. Harry looked up at the ceiling as the picture of Sirius falling beyond the veil, never to come out again, flashed across his mind yet again. Rolling over on his side, Harry shoved the thought forcefully out of his head. He wasn't going to let his mind go there again. It was too painful.

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~Sometimes when I think about you,

why you're always running away.

Sitting in your car, 

changing who you are,

And drowning the thoughts of your life in the music.~

During the brief time that Harry had known Sirius, he'd always been on the run from the Ministry of Magic, who was hunting him for a crime that he hadn't committed. Harry wondered what it must have been like for Sirius to have to go back to his house the year before after he and the members of the Order had left him at the train station. Having to change into a dog just to go out in public, unable to even show himself, with no one or nothing for company at his house except Kreacher and the wailing rhythm of his mother screaming insults at him to dwell on. Harry shuddered. It must have been terrible.

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~Scared the lights will turn green, 

you'll have to be seen.

You'll be like anybody else.

Scared the lights will red,

You're stuck in your head.

Too scared to commit to even her.

How you gonna get through the year?

You can't.~

Harry closed his eyes, almost pleading with sleep to come. Before, he'd remembered a flash of green light from the night Voldemort had killed his parents. He'd been seen as a hero for his parents dying while he survived. He hadn't wanted that at all. All he'd ever wanted was to be an ordinary boy, and now...now, though everyone kept telling him that it wasn't so, he was the reason that Sirius had been killed by that fateful flash of red light that his cousin had shot at him. He just couldn't get that moment out of his mind. The look on Sirius' face, the seemingly endless fall of his body, and his body vanishing behind the veil, never to be seen again...

Harry opened his eyes and looked through a gap in his curtains at the shadowy frame of the window through the darkness of his room. The only people that he could even talk about Sirius to were Ron and Hermione.

_"And Luna," _said a voice in the back of his head. Harry reached his hand up to his head and ran it through his hair. He did talk to Luna more this year, finding an odd sort of relief in her presence. The extraordinary things she believed in seemed to make dealing with Sirius dying a bit more bearable. Yet...he was afraid to get any closer to her than being sort-of friends. It would only be putting Luna in danger, seeing as how Voldemort and his Death Eaters seemed to have taken a liking to killing the people that mattered most to him. He knew that Ron and Hermione would never leave him even if he tried to make them leave, but he didn't want to put another person in the same danger they were facing...but how on earth was he going to make it through his sixth year if he forced himself to stay away from one of the only people who seemed to be able to help him? 

_"I can't,"_ he thought miserably.

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~Playing on both sides of the net.

Too many people want too many things,

And you only want to forget.~

Harry sighed quietly and closed his eyes again. Everything seemed to be different now that Sirius was gone. For one thing, he wasn't sure how he felt about Dumbledore. On the one hand, he still felt angry at him from last year, but on the other hand, he felt like he was being selfish, and that Dumbledore now had to face a lot more problems than he did at the moment. Then, there was everyone else. His teachers seemed to be asking for more and more homework, which Harry knew he would soon have to fit around Quidditch practices, especially since he had been named captain after Angelina had left. His classmates were constantly badgering him for the story of what had happened at the Ministry, but all he wanted to do was forget about it.

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~You're always listening, 

you're always listening, 

you're always listening to yourself.

You're always thinking, 

you're always thinking,

You know what everybody else should do with their lives.~

He would listen to their request and wonder why it didn't occur to anyone that he didn't want to talk about it. When he told them that he didn't want to talk about it, they'd simply shrug and walk off, only to come back ten minutes later and ask him again. 

_"Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" _he wondered bitterly. Didn't they have anything better to do than badger him? It certainly didn't seem so. 

_"Then again,"_ he thought wearily as the picture of Sirius dying returned again, _"I don't seem to have anything better to do than badger myself."_

~Lying wide awake in the dark, 

trying to figure out where you are.

Always going nowhere,

afraid of going somewhere,

and somewhere's a place in your heart.~

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